Photos via: Holden and Camille | Read Between The Lines
ps- This is quote can be found as a print here.
Thứ Năm, 30 tháng 1, 2014
my bucket list
Photos via: Holden and Camille | Read Between The Lines
ps- This is quote can be found as a print here.
Thứ Tư, 29 tháng 1, 2014
you simply outgrew us
Photo via: Joel Sossa
Dear R,
It's been almost three weeks since you told me we were over. I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this. Catharsis? Punishment? An inability to start the healing process? Maybe all three, maybe something entirely different. I'm not sure of anything anymore.
“It's not right for me anymore. We are over.” How could those two sentences, that specific grouping of words, result in my world caving in? We both said so much more than this, of course, that afternoon the 30th November, and I knew in my heart that it was coming for about a week prior. But those words were the ones of finality, that devastatingly concluded two years... I could barely breath at the time, like I had badly fallen and been winded. Like something fundamental had been stripped from me. I could barely stand up as you said goodbye and left...
We first met officially in that second year class. I was too wrapped up in my own world and delusions of academic grandeur to properly notice you at first. But you made your impression eventually. And I remember saying to a mutual acquaintance a few weeks before I summoned the courage to ask you to meet up how inherently genuine, kind, caring and lovely you seemed.
And I was right – you were all of those things, and more.
The first few weeks went by almost as in a dream. I had a permanent smile on my face. We had numerous dates – drinks, food, the cinema. I remember our first kiss – clumsy and awkward (a lot like me), but ours forever, a defining moment by a very unromantic busy main road. During this time, we laughed, I said stupid stuff, we kissed, we began to be intimate, and I was already falling in love with you.
And then we had been together for three months. We were both our first real, well, anything. I was comfortable and in love for the first time ever. You questioned whether things were right for you. I was desperate to hold on to you, there was something to this, I was sure of it. We negotiated. We got over the first hump. I nearly cried when you told me you loved me a number of weeks later, again by that main road! That road saw all of our good times!
Then we had a summer away from each other. But things were ok, we worked it out, and prioritising each other over specific weekends for visits or in the evenings for phone calls helped us learn, mature and strengthened the relationship. I looked forward more than anything ever to our visits. Everything else paled into insignificance. I loved the simple things like just lying in bed or on the sofa and listening to you talk about things. I could be completely happy in your company for hours. You had so much life and energy in you, so much to offer. And this was mixed together in a girl so beautiful and kind. How was it possible that I was with you? This awkward, ugly guy. I loved you so much it scared me.
We returned in September. Things were good for a long time. I made a lot of effort with your friends as I knew they were very important to you, and I thought most of them liked me. We had a lot of great times that I will remember forever. This was easily the best time of my life. You were still cautious and not wanting to over-commit. I was ready to jump in however and give you everything. We had a few issues and I was criticised for not being this or that. I tried to internalise the criticisms, develop and be good enough for you. I remember spending hours picking out Christmas presents that I hoped you would love.
The business end of university was approaching. Your placements were getting intense, and I was trying to do justice to my workload too. I wasn't sure exactly how to support you, I knew you were stressed and anxious about the future. I encouraged you to apply for jobs for after graduation. You asked me whether you should look for one that fitted with my plans. I wanted to tell you yes more than anything, but instead I told you that you needed to do what was best for you, and I was sure that being closer to home with the support of your family was the best thing. You got the job. The distance wasn't that far - two hours travel. We'd manage.
The summer again, and then September and your 'proper' life began, and I started chasing my own ambitions, or at least some partial version of them. There were a few cracks surrounding similar aspects of the relationship – a difference in expectations of how much we should see each other, and perhaps a lack of a spark in our weekend activities. But I was comfortable, I loved you and I settled into the routine of the latest version of our relationship. And then I sent a stupid message and it turned out you'd be thinking about our relationship problematically for the last couple of weeks.
The following weekend my world caved in.
I still don't fully understand all the reasons. It seems you simply outgrew us.
I was beginning to plan my life with you at the centre, and now it's all gone and I feel completely lost and empty. The time so far has done little to ease what I feel. I'm not sure if you ever fully recover from something like this. How do you replace something you never wanted to replace? How do you pick up the pieces of your life when the one person you love more than anyone decides they no longer feel you are right? How do you fill the emptiness left, that hole in your chest?
I gave everything to our relationship. I loved you with all that I had, even if you never fully reciprocated and perhaps always held something back. I was probably never good enough for you and of course we had our issues (none of which I felt were insurmountable). But I think you will struggle to find anyone who loves you quite as much as me – though you deserve it of course. And I was just so proud of everything that you were and that I was able to call you my girlfriend, somehow.
You helped me grow and develop as a person, and for that I will always be grateful.
I can't even do justice to how much you mean to me with words. And all the memories of you are both happy and excruciating to me at the same time.
I love you.
It's been almost three weeks since you told me we were over. I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this. Catharsis? Punishment? An inability to start the healing process? Maybe all three, maybe something entirely different. I'm not sure of anything anymore.
“It's not right for me anymore. We are over.” How could those two sentences, that specific grouping of words, result in my world caving in? We both said so much more than this, of course, that afternoon the 30th November, and I knew in my heart that it was coming for about a week prior. But those words were the ones of finality, that devastatingly concluded two years... I could barely breath at the time, like I had badly fallen and been winded. Like something fundamental had been stripped from me. I could barely stand up as you said goodbye and left...
We first met officially in that second year class. I was too wrapped up in my own world and delusions of academic grandeur to properly notice you at first. But you made your impression eventually. And I remember saying to a mutual acquaintance a few weeks before I summoned the courage to ask you to meet up how inherently genuine, kind, caring and lovely you seemed.
And I was right – you were all of those things, and more.
The first few weeks went by almost as in a dream. I had a permanent smile on my face. We had numerous dates – drinks, food, the cinema. I remember our first kiss – clumsy and awkward (a lot like me), but ours forever, a defining moment by a very unromantic busy main road. During this time, we laughed, I said stupid stuff, we kissed, we began to be intimate, and I was already falling in love with you.
And then we had been together for three months. We were both our first real, well, anything. I was comfortable and in love for the first time ever. You questioned whether things were right for you. I was desperate to hold on to you, there was something to this, I was sure of it. We negotiated. We got over the first hump. I nearly cried when you told me you loved me a number of weeks later, again by that main road! That road saw all of our good times!
Then we had a summer away from each other. But things were ok, we worked it out, and prioritising each other over specific weekends for visits or in the evenings for phone calls helped us learn, mature and strengthened the relationship. I looked forward more than anything ever to our visits. Everything else paled into insignificance. I loved the simple things like just lying in bed or on the sofa and listening to you talk about things. I could be completely happy in your company for hours. You had so much life and energy in you, so much to offer. And this was mixed together in a girl so beautiful and kind. How was it possible that I was with you? This awkward, ugly guy. I loved you so much it scared me.
We returned in September. Things were good for a long time. I made a lot of effort with your friends as I knew they were very important to you, and I thought most of them liked me. We had a lot of great times that I will remember forever. This was easily the best time of my life. You were still cautious and not wanting to over-commit. I was ready to jump in however and give you everything. We had a few issues and I was criticised for not being this or that. I tried to internalise the criticisms, develop and be good enough for you. I remember spending hours picking out Christmas presents that I hoped you would love.
The business end of university was approaching. Your placements were getting intense, and I was trying to do justice to my workload too. I wasn't sure exactly how to support you, I knew you were stressed and anxious about the future. I encouraged you to apply for jobs for after graduation. You asked me whether you should look for one that fitted with my plans. I wanted to tell you yes more than anything, but instead I told you that you needed to do what was best for you, and I was sure that being closer to home with the support of your family was the best thing. You got the job. The distance wasn't that far - two hours travel. We'd manage.
The summer again, and then September and your 'proper' life began, and I started chasing my own ambitions, or at least some partial version of them. There were a few cracks surrounding similar aspects of the relationship – a difference in expectations of how much we should see each other, and perhaps a lack of a spark in our weekend activities. But I was comfortable, I loved you and I settled into the routine of the latest version of our relationship. And then I sent a stupid message and it turned out you'd be thinking about our relationship problematically for the last couple of weeks.
The following weekend my world caved in.
I still don't fully understand all the reasons. It seems you simply outgrew us.
I was beginning to plan my life with you at the centre, and now it's all gone and I feel completely lost and empty. The time so far has done little to ease what I feel. I'm not sure if you ever fully recover from something like this. How do you replace something you never wanted to replace? How do you pick up the pieces of your life when the one person you love more than anyone decides they no longer feel you are right? How do you fill the emptiness left, that hole in your chest?
I gave everything to our relationship. I loved you with all that I had, even if you never fully reciprocated and perhaps always held something back. I was probably never good enough for you and of course we had our issues (none of which I felt were insurmountable). But I think you will struggle to find anyone who loves you quite as much as me – though you deserve it of course. And I was just so proud of everything that you were and that I was able to call you my girlfriend, somehow.
You helped me grow and develop as a person, and for that I will always be grateful.
I can't even do justice to how much you mean to me with words. And all the memories of you are both happy and excruciating to me at the same time.
I love you.
Thứ Ba, 28 tháng 1, 2014
my heart and head
Photo via: Bimbi Gardel
The only way I could make this fathomable to the human mind is by putting it down in writing. As I see it, "There is only one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring,” to quote a phrase. I have many, many, intangible pieces of hurt and resent that fill up every fiber of my being.
That being said, it isn't so bad without you. You come around every now and then to put me in my place about all of this. Like a reminder that I can’t be too well off. I found someone and this tears you apart, but honestly this is never how I wanted this to be. I was the last one who wanted two years of blood, sweat, and tears to go to waste. He is a wonderful guy though; I can’t convince you of it though.
He plays the blues and listens, he listens to every rant and rave that stirs up in my mind. He listens to me talk about you while we share a cigarette and rather than being purely annoyed, he embraces it. I want this. Yet, every time I convince myself of this, I become less sure of the choice that was mine in the first place. It’s a cycle, to say the least. The smallest of things can make me break into tears over you, but too much has occurred to go back. So I need to learn to move forward, but my heart and you pull me back. My head is in the right place though. The thing is unless I can get my heart and head on the same page, I won’t make it very far at all.
I’m currently typing this at school where no one really knows what I’m doing and what I’m writing about, which is how I prefer it. My business is my business, but some days being so self-motivated and hard-headed really does get the better of me and bring me down. Maybe I need some time off. Maybe I need to go to a café and treat myself to a lovely boy, in a different world, with a different heart. Maybe then I would truly know what I want.
I love you Nicholas. I always have and always will. I’m so sorry, but your Lovedove will find her way. Whether it’s back to you or someone else, I’ll figure out. I sure hope.
That being said, it isn't so bad without you. You come around every now and then to put me in my place about all of this. Like a reminder that I can’t be too well off. I found someone and this tears you apart, but honestly this is never how I wanted this to be. I was the last one who wanted two years of blood, sweat, and tears to go to waste. He is a wonderful guy though; I can’t convince you of it though.
He plays the blues and listens, he listens to every rant and rave that stirs up in my mind. He listens to me talk about you while we share a cigarette and rather than being purely annoyed, he embraces it. I want this. Yet, every time I convince myself of this, I become less sure of the choice that was mine in the first place. It’s a cycle, to say the least. The smallest of things can make me break into tears over you, but too much has occurred to go back. So I need to learn to move forward, but my heart and you pull me back. My head is in the right place though. The thing is unless I can get my heart and head on the same page, I won’t make it very far at all.
I’m currently typing this at school where no one really knows what I’m doing and what I’m writing about, which is how I prefer it. My business is my business, but some days being so self-motivated and hard-headed really does get the better of me and bring me down. Maybe I need some time off. Maybe I need to go to a café and treat myself to a lovely boy, in a different world, with a different heart. Maybe then I would truly know what I want.
I love you Nicholas. I always have and always will. I’m so sorry, but your Lovedove will find her way. Whether it’s back to you or someone else, I’ll figure out. I sure hope.
Thứ Hai, 27 tháng 1, 2014
Chủ Nhật, 26 tháng 1, 2014
should I go with my gut?
Photo via: iheartartichokes
There's this guy who is from CA and came to NJ for construction work. He came in and out of the bar I worked at and finally we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few times, and he had to leave earlier than he thought. He started to tell my Best Friend before he left, that he would move here to be with me and how much he liked me... Of course she told me, and not gonna lie, I got freaked out a little bit. Wondering how somebody can like me so much to move here, because I'm very shy, and was with him. Majority of the time, it was him who was talking and me just listening. Something I forgot to mention, he is 35 years old, and I am 21. So he eventually vocalized this to me, and with him being so much older, I pushed back a bit and said that he's getting ahead of himself and that I am not looking to jump into anything. I liked him, I really did, but the fact that he was 14 years older than me and lived across the country, I knew my parents and siblings would not agree and accept. We continued to talk a week after he went back, and I noticed my feelings were growing stronger for him. It got to the point where, I was hoping to look down and see his name every time my phone vibrated. Long story Short- Yesterday we didn't talk until night. I texted him and he was with his brother, and seemed to not be talkative, so I left it be because he hasn't seen anyone in months. He texted me later that night to say goodnight, but I just got a weird vibe from it that something was different. Today is the first day I haven't heard from him, and its driving me crazy. Now I'm sitting here, second guessing myself, wondering If I did something or said something, or maybe if his brother said something to him about it all. I don't want to reach out to him and bother him. I don't want to come off clingy and what not. But now I'm thinking to myself, why am I feeling this sort of way, when just the other week, I was so turned off by what he was feeling and saying. I just need advice outside of my friends. An honest opinion whether I should just go with my gut and say screw it, age doesn't matter and neither does distance, Like he said to me- "Love has no limitations, no boundaries, no age, no distance. Fear does this!"
Thứ Năm, 23 tháng 1, 2014
just hold on
Photo via: Cassoday Harder
I am proud of having the love of a man of principle. A (secret) romantic at heart who has the courage, purpose and passion of twenty men. A man who fiercely seeks peace, happiness, freedom and the ability to truly savor all of the beautiful things life has to offer. A man who carefully plans, planting seeds for a brighter and more secure tomorrow for him and the ones he loves. He is the man I couldn't imagine existed and who I have been fortunate to know and admire.
I love every mysterious, stubborn, moody part of you. And, I remain captivated by your charm, poise, brilliance and strength through real adversity. Every. Single. Day. Your resilience and tenacity will drive you to succeed at your newly found passion. I know it!
It's been a life-changing experience getting to know and love you, D. Here's to more time laughing and loving. I don’t know about forever. I just want more time. May this new year bring us more understanding and more reasons to keep returning to the table. Every night, I hope that you will find another reason to turn back around and keep breathing light and meaning into me. Whenever you are down and detached, I hope that love will bring you back to me. And, if I know what love is, it's because of you. Because every time I see that unique and disarming light in your eyes, I think I will crumble from the love you inspire in me. How do you manage to make me feel so strong and so weak at the same time?
My biggest hope is that you will continue to find your way back by my side in spite of the uncertainty and challenges ahead. It would make me the happiest woman in the world. It would make everything worth it. (Banksy girl with balloons image attached) I know that most things in life are fleeting. And the only thing we can count on is change. Just hold on to me. I won’t let you fall, mi amor.
I love every mysterious, stubborn, moody part of you. And, I remain captivated by your charm, poise, brilliance and strength through real adversity. Every. Single. Day. Your resilience and tenacity will drive you to succeed at your newly found passion. I know it!
It's been a life-changing experience getting to know and love you, D. Here's to more time laughing and loving. I don’t know about forever. I just want more time. May this new year bring us more understanding and more reasons to keep returning to the table. Every night, I hope that you will find another reason to turn back around and keep breathing light and meaning into me. Whenever you are down and detached, I hope that love will bring you back to me. And, if I know what love is, it's because of you. Because every time I see that unique and disarming light in your eyes, I think I will crumble from the love you inspire in me. How do you manage to make me feel so strong and so weak at the same time?
My biggest hope is that you will continue to find your way back by my side in spite of the uncertainty and challenges ahead. It would make me the happiest woman in the world. It would make everything worth it. (Banksy girl with balloons image attached) I know that most things in life are fleeting. And the only thing we can count on is change. Just hold on to me. I won’t let you fall, mi amor.
Thứ Tư, 22 tháng 1, 2014
d.i.y. valentine's day card inspiration
Photos via: Levi Brown for Real Simple
Came across this creative D.I.Y. Valentine's Day card inspiration and thought I'd share.
Check out more of the ideas here.
Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 1, 2014
love (hi)story
Photo via: Esben Bøg Jensen
I wanted to write down this story for a long time you know... it’s just not an easy one to write - No that’s not true, it is because I remember every little detail of it. It’s just going to be difficult to make clear how I felt, how he made me feel during this story: my love (hi)story.
We met online and as we started to talk everything felt good. You know how it goes, you long to talk to each other, waiting for him to come online (and waiting for him to start the conversation, of course). We soon decided to meet ‘in real life’.. As I was waiting for him I wasn’t nervous, not even a bit. I was just so excited to see this guy. You know.. he called me right before I took the train -damn that voice, and that was enough for me not to get too nervous about it.
There he was, coming up the stairs. I saw him, he saw me and we smiled (because we knew?). Somewhere along this day we kissed, accidentally he said (I still don’t believe him, he just really really wanted to kiss me. for sure :) ).
From that moment we build our relationship. Three years of loving, sharing kisses back and forward, laughing (especially with my clumsiness) and being soul mates. I want to write down so much more because this seems like a normal ordinary love, but we all know our own love is different.
Of course, we had our struggles. That’s what got us apart. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was the best choice to make (at that time). The distance gave us the chance to grow, to become more of the persons we really are and wanted to be.
Now, one year and 5 months later, he is still my buddy, my best friend my go-to gal like he says (not sure what that really means, but it made me smile. He still makes me smile). In this time I had a few flirts, short love stories, but it never worked out. Now I know why.
To see him with another girl makes me both happy and sad. It makes me sad- it even hurts, and it doesn’t make it easier to breath. But it also makes me happy (at least a bit). I know he deserves somebody who makes him smile and although I know I can... there are a lot of things I can’t give him.
So I’m happy that his new girl can give him those things (at least I hope she can) and that she can make him smile the way I used to, because… damn that smile :)
I wish I could tell her to truly love him the way he deserves because from the moment he starts loving you your world will be upside down and you’ll wish you could love him even more.
So, be joyful, careful, be patient and thoughtful, be lovable.. and he will look at you the way he used to look at me. And I can tell you... that look makes it all worth it.
Love always
We met online and as we started to talk everything felt good. You know how it goes, you long to talk to each other, waiting for him to come online (and waiting for him to start the conversation, of course). We soon decided to meet ‘in real life’.. As I was waiting for him I wasn’t nervous, not even a bit. I was just so excited to see this guy. You know.. he called me right before I took the train -damn that voice, and that was enough for me not to get too nervous about it.
There he was, coming up the stairs. I saw him, he saw me and we smiled (because we knew?). Somewhere along this day we kissed, accidentally he said (I still don’t believe him, he just really really wanted to kiss me. for sure :) ).
From that moment we build our relationship. Three years of loving, sharing kisses back and forward, laughing (especially with my clumsiness) and being soul mates. I want to write down so much more because this seems like a normal ordinary love, but we all know our own love is different.
Of course, we had our struggles. That’s what got us apart. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was the best choice to make (at that time). The distance gave us the chance to grow, to become more of the persons we really are and wanted to be.
Now, one year and 5 months later, he is still my buddy, my best friend my go-to gal like he says (not sure what that really means, but it made me smile. He still makes me smile). In this time I had a few flirts, short love stories, but it never worked out. Now I know why.
To see him with another girl makes me both happy and sad. It makes me sad- it even hurts, and it doesn’t make it easier to breath. But it also makes me happy (at least a bit). I know he deserves somebody who makes him smile and although I know I can... there are a lot of things I can’t give him.
So I’m happy that his new girl can give him those things (at least I hope she can) and that she can make him smile the way I used to, because… damn that smile :)
I wish I could tell her to truly love him the way he deserves because from the moment he starts loving you your world will be upside down and you’ll wish you could love him even more.
So, be joyful, careful, be patient and thoughtful, be lovable.. and he will look at you the way he used to look at me. And I can tell you... that look makes it all worth it.
Love always
Thứ Hai, 20 tháng 1, 2014
it will get better
Photo via: Hopalila
if you're struggling right now -
and you feel utterly alone and you're afraid -
hello, this is my letter to you,
but also my letter to myself,
in which i want to say but one thing -
it will get better.
one of the scariest decisions is to change everything,
to look in the eyes of everybody and say,
i'm in love and i'm in my right to be in love,
even if we're the same gender and regardless of what you might think.
i love her.
one the of the scariest feelings of all,
is to lose everything -
my marriage, my hopes for a future with that one person,
but once you decide to be open with yourself -
to accept yourself -
it will get better.
sure there will be some moments of regret,
there will be some moments of doubt,
there will be some moments of self-hate,
and you might even try to hurt yourself in any way-
but there is only one path -
the one that goes on,
the path with a beating heart,
the path you're walking alone and together,
(the path i'm walking alone and together),
and if i'm strong,
it will get better.
and i will be-
strong-
for me,
but for her also.
and for you, too.
Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 1, 2014
Thứ Sáu, 17 tháng 1, 2014
everything but the title
Photo via: Matthew Tammaro
You do these things. These endearing, attentive and personal things, they look like natural instinctive movements. Like play with my hair, run it through your fingers and stroke it down the side of my face. You trace my lips with your fingertips and caress my cheekbones with the back of your hand. You give me fairy light tickles across my stomach and along my inner thigh. You snuggle in to me, day and night pulling me tight into your chest as your breath a rugged, possessive ‘mine’, almost growling it under your breath.
Here’s the catch, I’m not yours; you won’t let me be. You told me you don’t believe in dating in your 20’s. I just think you’re a commitment-phobe. You’ve given me so many reasons why. Tell me you don’t know if you like me as a friend or more. Doing all of this whilst you cuddle me at night, writhe against me in early morning bliss, and understand me better than anyone ever has. This ruins my mind, endlessly tossing and turning I cannot fathom any of it.
The only truth I can find in your words is when we kiss. You’ll kiss my neck and my collarbones, the top of my shoulder when you hug up to me. But when we kiss on the lips you hesitate, it seems forced or uncomfortable. I hold back, when I want to ravish you with passionate kisses that leave us both gasping for air. The biggest problem is that I just need to know… I need to know if you’re playing me. If you’re really that unsure or if you’re just scared. But I can never be sure what it is that you’re hiding. Your friends tell me you’re just being dumb, that you’re passing over me because you can’t bring yourself to leave your freedom behind. The thing is… should I really chose someone who has to think twice about choosing me? I know the answer to that. I’ve been told a hundred times. But losing you is something I don’t think I can handle; letting you touch another girl is a thought I cannot comprehend. I’m in this too deep and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There’s a time line. I’ve known you for around 25 months. I’ve fancied you for about 18 of those. 15 months ago I realized it was more than just a crush. It’s been about 11 months since we first slept together whilst traveling Asia, just the two of us. About 10 since I started falling… and the last 5 months we have been ‘seeing’ each other, and I have been in turmoil.
I’m at the end of my tether; I realized that I gave you my everything. You get my head and my heart; you’ve got my soul and my spirit; everything from the tips of my toes to the end of my unruly hair. I don’t think you’ve realized this yet but you’ve got it all. But I can’t tell you to your face, because I’m far too scared of losing you. I’m weak and I give in to you. Sleep in your bed when I should walk away, willingly let you touch me with tenderness and care, let those touches become more passionate and needy. We workout together, we study together, we cook, clean and shop together. Everything that we are and do, all of your friends and people around see it. I am your girlfriend, with everything but the title. I am with you, with all the attachments and actions but without the security. And I don’t know which is worse, being the girl at home crying, or the one who never stops trying.
With my everything and a lifetimes worth of confusion.
Here’s the catch, I’m not yours; you won’t let me be. You told me you don’t believe in dating in your 20’s. I just think you’re a commitment-phobe. You’ve given me so many reasons why. Tell me you don’t know if you like me as a friend or more. Doing all of this whilst you cuddle me at night, writhe against me in early morning bliss, and understand me better than anyone ever has. This ruins my mind, endlessly tossing and turning I cannot fathom any of it.
The only truth I can find in your words is when we kiss. You’ll kiss my neck and my collarbones, the top of my shoulder when you hug up to me. But when we kiss on the lips you hesitate, it seems forced or uncomfortable. I hold back, when I want to ravish you with passionate kisses that leave us both gasping for air. The biggest problem is that I just need to know… I need to know if you’re playing me. If you’re really that unsure or if you’re just scared. But I can never be sure what it is that you’re hiding. Your friends tell me you’re just being dumb, that you’re passing over me because you can’t bring yourself to leave your freedom behind. The thing is… should I really chose someone who has to think twice about choosing me? I know the answer to that. I’ve been told a hundred times. But losing you is something I don’t think I can handle; letting you touch another girl is a thought I cannot comprehend. I’m in this too deep and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There’s a time line. I’ve known you for around 25 months. I’ve fancied you for about 18 of those. 15 months ago I realized it was more than just a crush. It’s been about 11 months since we first slept together whilst traveling Asia, just the two of us. About 10 since I started falling… and the last 5 months we have been ‘seeing’ each other, and I have been in turmoil.
I’m at the end of my tether; I realized that I gave you my everything. You get my head and my heart; you’ve got my soul and my spirit; everything from the tips of my toes to the end of my unruly hair. I don’t think you’ve realized this yet but you’ve got it all. But I can’t tell you to your face, because I’m far too scared of losing you. I’m weak and I give in to you. Sleep in your bed when I should walk away, willingly let you touch me with tenderness and care, let those touches become more passionate and needy. We workout together, we study together, we cook, clean and shop together. Everything that we are and do, all of your friends and people around see it. I am your girlfriend, with everything but the title. I am with you, with all the attachments and actions but without the security. And I don’t know which is worse, being the girl at home crying, or the one who never stops trying.
With my everything and a lifetimes worth of confusion.
Thứ Năm, 16 tháng 1, 2014
i am yours
Photo via: Esben Bøg Jensen
M,
Despite a previous bad relationship and general hesitance towards marriage in general, you managed to capture me. Perhaps capture isn’t even the right word, it wasn’t a sudden occurrence at all, but rather something that snuck up on me very gradually. Our love formed over time, in a gradual process like the forming of a stalagmite deep within a cave. To the onlooker, it might easily be assumed our love was something which had always been. We know it didn’t just spring forth suddenly from nothing. Small droplets given over time consolidated to form this solid beautiful thing.
We had been friends for years. Separated by differing paths after high school. I heard from you now and then, how are you’s and an occasional funny story thought to possibly be of interest. Our paths would cross at friend’s weddings and once in a while when everyone would meet up at J’s while you were home for a visit. We were always flirtatious, I now realize, though then it seemed like nothing. It went on like this for a few years. These moments-small droplets accumulating. Then there was Portland.
I saw you walking toward me down the hotel hallway. The droplets accumulated rapidly now. I was overwhelmed and confused by the sudden flood. You pulled me into a strong friendly embrace. It was close and warm and felt longer than necessary. I didn’t object and we both lingered there.
We spent the weekend immersed in each other and the life of the city. There were hours at the Saturday Market, the zoo, the Portland Art Museum, barely able to show interest in our activities. I just wanted to be close to you, to hear your voice as you gave me your own clever and witty interpretations of the art pieces, to feel you next to me. Your eyes held mine longer than usual and contained deep warmth I had not noticed before. Like you had to try not to look at me, and when you did you had to force yourself to look away.
When we kissed for the first time I knew something solid had formed between us. The realization of it was sudden, but it had been created gradually, beginning years ago. You have not only changed my heart but healed it, in more ways than one, over our five years together. I am and always will be proud to say I am yours.
We had been friends for years. Separated by differing paths after high school. I heard from you now and then, how are you’s and an occasional funny story thought to possibly be of interest. Our paths would cross at friend’s weddings and once in a while when everyone would meet up at J’s while you were home for a visit. We were always flirtatious, I now realize, though then it seemed like nothing. It went on like this for a few years. These moments-small droplets accumulating. Then there was Portland.
I saw you walking toward me down the hotel hallway. The droplets accumulated rapidly now. I was overwhelmed and confused by the sudden flood. You pulled me into a strong friendly embrace. It was close and warm and felt longer than necessary. I didn’t object and we both lingered there.
We spent the weekend immersed in each other and the life of the city. There were hours at the Saturday Market, the zoo, the Portland Art Museum, barely able to show interest in our activities. I just wanted to be close to you, to hear your voice as you gave me your own clever and witty interpretations of the art pieces, to feel you next to me. Your eyes held mine longer than usual and contained deep warmth I had not noticed before. Like you had to try not to look at me, and when you did you had to force yourself to look away.
When we kissed for the first time I knew something solid had formed between us. The realization of it was sudden, but it had been created gradually, beginning years ago. You have not only changed my heart but healed it, in more ways than one, over our five years together. I am and always will be proud to say I am yours.
Love always,
L
Thứ Ba, 14 tháng 1, 2014
Thứ Sáu, 10 tháng 1, 2014
we were different
Photo via: Margaret Durow
We had everything that anyone has ever wanted. We shared longing looks, stole quick kisses, endured hardship, hugged it out, and through everything, we still fell apart. But let me start at the beginning.
I fought so hard for you. In my mind I knew you were it; the one I was supposed to experience everything with for the first time. You knew how to make me smile, how to make me cry, and how to pick me up at the end of the day when I couldn’t do it myself. You were always that beacon of hope for me. Something to strive for, something I wanted to earn for myself. I wanted to earn your love. But she was in the way. The way that she glared at me made my stomach uneasy. She was threatened by the way you looked at me and the way I looked back. She didn’t know how to stop us from talking because it came so naturally to both of us. You were always there in the back of my mind, and I was always at the back of yours.
She broke your heart but I was all too ready to be there to mend it and that was our first mistake. I wanted to earn your love but I didn’t want to get it by default. You weren’t ready but you fell so hard and so quickly for me as I did for you. That first kiss was everything you hear people say when you’ve found the one you love. It could’ve lasted seconds or hours and I still wouldn’t have known the difference. It was a kiss that made me weak in the knees with happiness, excitement, and anticipation for what it all meant. Yet, in that moment, nothing else mattered. It was like the whole world fell to the wayside as our lips met and your arms took me in. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I could recite every event of that day back in great detail because it was the day that he became mine.
We called and texted and fell into the pattern of each other. Hearing his voice on the phone was what I looked forward to every day. Sitting through class was unbearable knowing that I could be somewhere else intertwined with him, the world so distant. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself.
I fit perfectly in the crook of his neck and when we lay still, our bodies somehow fit together like puzzle pieces. I never wanted to let him go.
As I told him when I left on a trip “I love you to reeses pieces.” And I really did. I loved him with every ounce in my body, with every muscle, every tendon, every fiber of my heart was attached to him in every way possible. He was all the tenderness that my life desired and the support system that I often needed.
But then we changed. Distance separated us by more than just land. I grew up. I made goals. I found out that I had a passion for life and for the unknown and he feared change. How do two people remain so steady when the ground beneath them is falling out? That’s what being together felt like. The ground just gave out beneath my feet. I felt trapped, unable to breathe; like this weight was always hanging over my head. I thought we could get through anything, I thought our love would get us through any hurdle that we encountered.
But I knew he couldn’t be mine when he came to visit me. Suddenly the thought of him in my world didn’t make sense anymore. He was coming to this place that I had built, this life that I had created without him. He didn’t fit and I didn’t want him to. I loved living life on my own and that’s when I knew that I had to do just that. Live life on my own. I tried to make it work, but we were different. He lacked the passion and determination that I was hungry for. The goals that I had made he deemed impossible for himself.
I realized that life is too short to hold onto something that isn’t making you happy anymore. He was everything and more to me and he helped me grow into the person I am today. He showed me that someone could love you wholeheartedly and unabashedly. He also showed me the love that I am capable of; the tenderness and empathy that I can have. He opened my heart, which had been closed for years. I didn’t believe that anyone existed that could love me the way that he did. And for that, I am so beyond grateful. I never wanted to hurt him but I did just that. And to him I am eternally sorry.
One day I want to be moved by love again. To feel my knees go weak beneath me but fall into the arms of a man who knows how to love me wholeheartedly just as he did. Who will look at all of my flaws and at the end of the day still kiss me on the forehead and hold me close. I want someone who doesn’t look at me for the things I don’t have, but cherishes all the things that I do have. A person who not only sees me for who I truly am, but pushes me to be the person that deep down I know I can be.
-Love Always
I fought so hard for you. In my mind I knew you were it; the one I was supposed to experience everything with for the first time. You knew how to make me smile, how to make me cry, and how to pick me up at the end of the day when I couldn’t do it myself. You were always that beacon of hope for me. Something to strive for, something I wanted to earn for myself. I wanted to earn your love. But she was in the way. The way that she glared at me made my stomach uneasy. She was threatened by the way you looked at me and the way I looked back. She didn’t know how to stop us from talking because it came so naturally to both of us. You were always there in the back of my mind, and I was always at the back of yours.
She broke your heart but I was all too ready to be there to mend it and that was our first mistake. I wanted to earn your love but I didn’t want to get it by default. You weren’t ready but you fell so hard and so quickly for me as I did for you. That first kiss was everything you hear people say when you’ve found the one you love. It could’ve lasted seconds or hours and I still wouldn’t have known the difference. It was a kiss that made me weak in the knees with happiness, excitement, and anticipation for what it all meant. Yet, in that moment, nothing else mattered. It was like the whole world fell to the wayside as our lips met and your arms took me in. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I could recite every event of that day back in great detail because it was the day that he became mine.
We called and texted and fell into the pattern of each other. Hearing his voice on the phone was what I looked forward to every day. Sitting through class was unbearable knowing that I could be somewhere else intertwined with him, the world so distant. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself.
I fit perfectly in the crook of his neck and when we lay still, our bodies somehow fit together like puzzle pieces. I never wanted to let him go.
As I told him when I left on a trip “I love you to reeses pieces.” And I really did. I loved him with every ounce in my body, with every muscle, every tendon, every fiber of my heart was attached to him in every way possible. He was all the tenderness that my life desired and the support system that I often needed.
But then we changed. Distance separated us by more than just land. I grew up. I made goals. I found out that I had a passion for life and for the unknown and he feared change. How do two people remain so steady when the ground beneath them is falling out? That’s what being together felt like. The ground just gave out beneath my feet. I felt trapped, unable to breathe; like this weight was always hanging over my head. I thought we could get through anything, I thought our love would get us through any hurdle that we encountered.
But I knew he couldn’t be mine when he came to visit me. Suddenly the thought of him in my world didn’t make sense anymore. He was coming to this place that I had built, this life that I had created without him. He didn’t fit and I didn’t want him to. I loved living life on my own and that’s when I knew that I had to do just that. Live life on my own. I tried to make it work, but we were different. He lacked the passion and determination that I was hungry for. The goals that I had made he deemed impossible for himself.
I realized that life is too short to hold onto something that isn’t making you happy anymore. He was everything and more to me and he helped me grow into the person I am today. He showed me that someone could love you wholeheartedly and unabashedly. He also showed me the love that I am capable of; the tenderness and empathy that I can have. He opened my heart, which had been closed for years. I didn’t believe that anyone existed that could love me the way that he did. And for that, I am so beyond grateful. I never wanted to hurt him but I did just that. And to him I am eternally sorry.
One day I want to be moved by love again. To feel my knees go weak beneath me but fall into the arms of a man who knows how to love me wholeheartedly just as he did. Who will look at all of my flaws and at the end of the day still kiss me on the forehead and hold me close. I want someone who doesn’t look at me for the things I don’t have, but cherishes all the things that I do have. A person who not only sees me for who I truly am, but pushes me to be the person that deep down I know I can be.
-Love Always
Thứ Tư, 8 tháng 1, 2014
you will always be in my heart
Photo via: Joanna Kitchener
Dear R,
Thank you for reminding me love exists. We spent countless hours together running around museums and surrounded by piles of books at the library. We slowly fell for each other while we drank that bottle of wine at your apartment. We were partners in crime, exploring the city and discovering ourselves. Our feelings were told right before we had to leave. However, this time my heart told me I couldn’t have a long-distance relationship. I want to be able enjoy love at its fullest. Text messages and video calls will not be enough. Geography and timing played a trick on us. However, you will always be in my heart. We will always have Paris.
Yours truly, C.
Thank you for reminding me love exists. We spent countless hours together running around museums and surrounded by piles of books at the library. We slowly fell for each other while we drank that bottle of wine at your apartment. We were partners in crime, exploring the city and discovering ourselves. Our feelings were told right before we had to leave. However, this time my heart told me I couldn’t have a long-distance relationship. I want to be able enjoy love at its fullest. Text messages and video calls will not be enough. Geography and timing played a trick on us. However, you will always be in my heart. We will always have Paris.
Yours truly, C.
Thứ Ba, 7 tháng 1, 2014
Thứ Hai, 6 tháng 1, 2014
i want to know what this all means
Photo via: Sandra Beijer
I have always been attracted to you. I remember the first time you held my hand, and I remember the first time we hooked up, in the back of a VW Beetle. It was 2006. And now, it is 2014. And you have just told me that you remember it too. You have been thinking about it. Thinking about me.
In 2010 my boyfriend at school broke up with me, and when I came home for the summer, there you were. We had been playing cat and mouse for years, and finally, you were single, and so was I. At first, I’d get drunk at your house and fall asleep in your bed after parties. And then, I wanted to fall asleep in your bed. It took all summer. I don’t know if you were debating, uninterested, or shy. But that last night... that very last night before my senior year of college, you finally kissed me. And we had sex. It was wonderful, and it was a secret. Afterwards, we laid in bed, tangled, joking around about the sexual tension finally being relieved after almost 7 years. And we could breathe.
As I would come home on breaks and random weekends, we’d always end up in your bed. After getting together at your parents house for thanksgiving, we snuck out the door, drunk, and had to walk to my house, in the pouring rain, to sleep. It was one of the most fun and hollywood-standard nights. Arm in arm, we walked to my house, laughing, and falling, and soaked from head to toe. We grabbed towels and climbed into bed, and just snuggled. We slept, spooning, all night. And then I drove you to your parents, where you drove home from there.
In the new winter of 2012, the sex started again, along with the famous high school excuse, “let’s watch a movie”, which had never happened before. We pretended it wasn’t going to happen. And it always did. We crawled into your bed one night, had the most intense sex we had ever had, and then, for the first time, you got weird. The next thing I knew, you proposed to your old high school girlfriend days later on your birthday, and that was when I felt what drowning must feel like. I had never had any intention of dating you. Though, I am, and always have been ridiculously attracted to all of you.
And here we are now, in 2014. She broke off your engagement, not so long after you were engaged. We’ve taken a long amount of time and distance, and we’re back. Hanging out with you for the first time in years alone, coming to the end of 2013, was all too familiar. I wanted to feel you. I wanted you to wrap your arm around the small of my back and make the familiar kind of love we had always made. But, I stayed on a separate couch, drinking a separate beer. We didn’t last too long this time. The tension built quickly. The longer hugs, tighter stares, and the brushing of our hands was enough to make me feel you in my core.
New Years came, and you had mentioned that I could “crash if I needed to”. I packed a toothbrush, extra undies, and my Marc Jacobs honey perfume. Through the night, I felt increasingly hazy. There weren’t enough shots of whiskey to contribute to the haze; it was thought of you and I. Everyone trailed out, we crawled into bed, and suddenly, I felt like nothing was going to happen. My mind went blank, I shoved my feet under yours to keep warm, and I breathed. You told me that night you were thinking about the first time we hooked up, and had been thinking about how, after all of these years, we still have an endless amount of tension that keeps building up, no matter what we do, or don’t do. I don’t know why that could be.
Next thing I knew, you kissed me. Long and hard. It was by far the best kiss. It felt like the first. We made out for what felt like hours. It was crazy, it was tension releasing, and it was awakening. You pulled me up with you, so we were upright, sitting, legs tangled, arms wrapped, and you kissed my neck. In my spot… I shivered. I kissed your neck, down to your shoulders, and it felt like time stopped. I could hear our heartbeats, and I could feel mine beating against yours. You laid me back down, and we went forward and did what was all too familiar, and all too intense. We slept all morning, spooning, my heart still beating fast. You woke me up, kissing my spot, re-awakening what had fallen dormant for the night, and we did it again. We snuggled, you brought me coffee, watched a movie, and here we are.
I want to know what this all means. Is that year after year, tension building and tension relieving feeling… what it’s all about? Is that the in-and-out-of-the-moment thing that everyone longs for? You feel this, and I feel this. It is still a secret. Our secret. Now where do we go from here?
In 2010 my boyfriend at school broke up with me, and when I came home for the summer, there you were. We had been playing cat and mouse for years, and finally, you were single, and so was I. At first, I’d get drunk at your house and fall asleep in your bed after parties. And then, I wanted to fall asleep in your bed. It took all summer. I don’t know if you were debating, uninterested, or shy. But that last night... that very last night before my senior year of college, you finally kissed me. And we had sex. It was wonderful, and it was a secret. Afterwards, we laid in bed, tangled, joking around about the sexual tension finally being relieved after almost 7 years. And we could breathe.
As I would come home on breaks and random weekends, we’d always end up in your bed. After getting together at your parents house for thanksgiving, we snuck out the door, drunk, and had to walk to my house, in the pouring rain, to sleep. It was one of the most fun and hollywood-standard nights. Arm in arm, we walked to my house, laughing, and falling, and soaked from head to toe. We grabbed towels and climbed into bed, and just snuggled. We slept, spooning, all night. And then I drove you to your parents, where you drove home from there.
In the new winter of 2012, the sex started again, along with the famous high school excuse, “let’s watch a movie”, which had never happened before. We pretended it wasn’t going to happen. And it always did. We crawled into your bed one night, had the most intense sex we had ever had, and then, for the first time, you got weird. The next thing I knew, you proposed to your old high school girlfriend days later on your birthday, and that was when I felt what drowning must feel like. I had never had any intention of dating you. Though, I am, and always have been ridiculously attracted to all of you.
And here we are now, in 2014. She broke off your engagement, not so long after you were engaged. We’ve taken a long amount of time and distance, and we’re back. Hanging out with you for the first time in years alone, coming to the end of 2013, was all too familiar. I wanted to feel you. I wanted you to wrap your arm around the small of my back and make the familiar kind of love we had always made. But, I stayed on a separate couch, drinking a separate beer. We didn’t last too long this time. The tension built quickly. The longer hugs, tighter stares, and the brushing of our hands was enough to make me feel you in my core.
New Years came, and you had mentioned that I could “crash if I needed to”. I packed a toothbrush, extra undies, and my Marc Jacobs honey perfume. Through the night, I felt increasingly hazy. There weren’t enough shots of whiskey to contribute to the haze; it was thought of you and I. Everyone trailed out, we crawled into bed, and suddenly, I felt like nothing was going to happen. My mind went blank, I shoved my feet under yours to keep warm, and I breathed. You told me that night you were thinking about the first time we hooked up, and had been thinking about how, after all of these years, we still have an endless amount of tension that keeps building up, no matter what we do, or don’t do. I don’t know why that could be.
Next thing I knew, you kissed me. Long and hard. It was by far the best kiss. It felt like the first. We made out for what felt like hours. It was crazy, it was tension releasing, and it was awakening. You pulled me up with you, so we were upright, sitting, legs tangled, arms wrapped, and you kissed my neck. In my spot… I shivered. I kissed your neck, down to your shoulders, and it felt like time stopped. I could hear our heartbeats, and I could feel mine beating against yours. You laid me back down, and we went forward and did what was all too familiar, and all too intense. We slept all morning, spooning, my heart still beating fast. You woke me up, kissing my spot, re-awakening what had fallen dormant for the night, and we did it again. We snuggled, you brought me coffee, watched a movie, and here we are.
I want to know what this all means. Is that year after year, tension building and tension relieving feeling… what it’s all about? Is that the in-and-out-of-the-moment thing that everyone longs for? You feel this, and I feel this. It is still a secret. Our secret. Now where do we go from here?
Chủ Nhật, 5 tháng 1, 2014
perfectly imperfect
Photo via: Cassoday Harder
So, I recently told my best guy friend that I have feelings for him.
Yes, yes, I went there. Just like an episode from that MTV "Friend Zone" thing. Such a cliché on my part, I know. But there you go; my clumsy little heart had a spasm and tripped all over itself.
But, to be honest, I don't mind nearly half as much as I should that he doesn't feel the same way. Of course it would be nice, but I knew that it was a bit of a stretch.
See the thing is, this is the first time, since my last relationship, that I‘ve actually had real feelings for someone and not been afraid to tell him about it. And that means something to me. That spasm - was my heart truly feeling something again.
It’s weird, but I think I've always kinda had a thing for him. But it was never the right time (for many, many reasons). I told myself that going there (developing these feelings), would just be a bad idea. So I denied it. And made the decision in my mind to not even think about it…
But then we had that moment. At first I really and truly did just think that it was so chilled and not a big deal. Until I started thinking about him and I started to see all the things I previously ignored. So, when he kept asking, I told him. I don’t think I was hiding it too well.
Now, I have to watch everything I say to him. I have to play those silly little games of not texting too much and try to keep my distance. And I hate it. Not to mention how badly I suck at it! I hate waiting to see if he will message me first and I hate keeping my distance to see if he will notice.
We may try to pretend that things haven’t changed, but I sorta feel him pulling away. Perhaps it is my fault for being that open about it all. I should probably say that I would take it all back if I could, and pretend that it really doesn’t mean anything to me. I should probably also try to be one of those girls that just sweeps things easily aside. Nonchalant. Blasé. Blah blah blah….
But I’m not sorry that I told him. And I don’t wish that I could take it all back.
I’ve realised that I will never be the girl that can hold back her emotions and keep it all together. I say the things I shouldn’t. I’ll open my heart to you one day and then shut it the next. I over react, and under-react, depending on the weather. And I may be a little dramatic and act stubbornly all in the same breath.
I am a perfectly, imperfect mess. And I guess that I always will be, in one form or another. I’m trying to be ok with that.
Yes, yes, I went there. Just like an episode from that MTV "Friend Zone" thing. Such a cliché on my part, I know. But there you go; my clumsy little heart had a spasm and tripped all over itself.
But, to be honest, I don't mind nearly half as much as I should that he doesn't feel the same way. Of course it would be nice, but I knew that it was a bit of a stretch.
See the thing is, this is the first time, since my last relationship, that I‘ve actually had real feelings for someone and not been afraid to tell him about it. And that means something to me. That spasm - was my heart truly feeling something again.
It’s weird, but I think I've always kinda had a thing for him. But it was never the right time (for many, many reasons). I told myself that going there (developing these feelings), would just be a bad idea. So I denied it. And made the decision in my mind to not even think about it…
But then we had that moment. At first I really and truly did just think that it was so chilled and not a big deal. Until I started thinking about him and I started to see all the things I previously ignored. So, when he kept asking, I told him. I don’t think I was hiding it too well.
Now, I have to watch everything I say to him. I have to play those silly little games of not texting too much and try to keep my distance. And I hate it. Not to mention how badly I suck at it! I hate waiting to see if he will message me first and I hate keeping my distance to see if he will notice.
We may try to pretend that things haven’t changed, but I sorta feel him pulling away. Perhaps it is my fault for being that open about it all. I should probably say that I would take it all back if I could, and pretend that it really doesn’t mean anything to me. I should probably also try to be one of those girls that just sweeps things easily aside. Nonchalant. Blasé. Blah blah blah….
But I’m not sorry that I told him. And I don’t wish that I could take it all back.
I’ve realised that I will never be the girl that can hold back her emotions and keep it all together. I say the things I shouldn’t. I’ll open my heart to you one day and then shut it the next. I over react, and under-react, depending on the weather. And I may be a little dramatic and act stubbornly all in the same breath.
I am a perfectly, imperfect mess. And I guess that I always will be, in one form or another. I’m trying to be ok with that.
Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 1, 2014
Thứ Năm, 2 tháng 1, 2014
a love letter to me
I think that everyone looks for love and it’s common, but for love to find you is what’s special. I think that love means something different to each person walking on this earth, for some it’s to find peace, for some it’s to not feel so alone, and for some it’s to find a partner; someone to love life with. For me I don’t think I’m ready to find love again. I want to fall in love with myself first. I want to experience the world on my own and know what that feels like before I let someone in on it.
In my opinion, you have to do that first or you don’t know what it feels like when you fall in love. That life-altering shift in your gut that tells you that you couldn’t live any other way and you don’t know how you thought life was enough before. I want to experience moments. I want to know that I never took anything for granted and even if no one else was there for me, I was there for myself. This is a love letter to me.
Fall in love with the way that you’re not perfect. Love the way that there are things about you that people will want to change, but be happy that they only want to do that because those things make you unique. Fall in love with the lines in your hands that will one day hold the hand of your better half. But first fall in love with the face that looks back at you every day and know that she is more than enough. There is no one else on the face of this earth that is like her. No one has been through what you’ve been and no one can see the way you see the world and the way it looks from your eyes; eyes that will draw the right one in at the right time.
Be foolish, hold your breath and count to ten and jump. Whether it’s into something new or whether it’s fixing something old and broken. But do everything with your heart. Live through your gut, then your heart, and then check in with your head. I’m sure that everyone thinks it’s impossible to live with no regrets but you can change that. Live everyday like you have a life threatening disease. Don’t wait for something to go wrong to start living. Be foolish and be hungry. Never let your desire to explore diminish in your pursuit of success. Always choose moments because those are the things you’ll look back on, and not the balance in your bank account. If you want to live on a vineyard when you’re older, do it. If you want to play the organ in a cathedral and cry because it sounds so beautiful, do it.
Never let the opinions of others or the fear of judgment or embarrassment dictate your choices. There wouldn’t be judgment without jealousy. Go to New York City and walk around aimlessly just to explore and have an adventure. Remember to take chances because they will eventually expire. Life has an expiration date. Everything dies because it’s what makes living worthwhile; the idea that you only have one chance to do it right. Follow your heart, wherever it may lead, wherever you may go, know that it will always take you where you need to be. Even if you feel lost know that it’d be easier to live life if you knew how it would end, but that’s what makes it interesting.
So listen to the songs that make your heart break and dance to the ones that make your toes tingle with excitement. Savor a sweet treat or a good meal with friends and family. Be thankful for everything because no one else has what you have. You’ve been given the gift of a life anyone would be lucky to live. So don’t get bogged down by the stresses of everyday life, they were meant to throw you off. As they say, sailing wouldn’t be fun if the water were entirely smooth. Life is an adventure, so throw on your big girl pants and live your life your way and don’t apologize for that.
In my opinion, you have to do that first or you don’t know what it feels like when you fall in love. That life-altering shift in your gut that tells you that you couldn’t live any other way and you don’t know how you thought life was enough before. I want to experience moments. I want to know that I never took anything for granted and even if no one else was there for me, I was there for myself. This is a love letter to me.
Fall in love with the way that you’re not perfect. Love the way that there are things about you that people will want to change, but be happy that they only want to do that because those things make you unique. Fall in love with the lines in your hands that will one day hold the hand of your better half. But first fall in love with the face that looks back at you every day and know that she is more than enough. There is no one else on the face of this earth that is like her. No one has been through what you’ve been and no one can see the way you see the world and the way it looks from your eyes; eyes that will draw the right one in at the right time.
Be foolish, hold your breath and count to ten and jump. Whether it’s into something new or whether it’s fixing something old and broken. But do everything with your heart. Live through your gut, then your heart, and then check in with your head. I’m sure that everyone thinks it’s impossible to live with no regrets but you can change that. Live everyday like you have a life threatening disease. Don’t wait for something to go wrong to start living. Be foolish and be hungry. Never let your desire to explore diminish in your pursuit of success. Always choose moments because those are the things you’ll look back on, and not the balance in your bank account. If you want to live on a vineyard when you’re older, do it. If you want to play the organ in a cathedral and cry because it sounds so beautiful, do it.
Never let the opinions of others or the fear of judgment or embarrassment dictate your choices. There wouldn’t be judgment without jealousy. Go to New York City and walk around aimlessly just to explore and have an adventure. Remember to take chances because they will eventually expire. Life has an expiration date. Everything dies because it’s what makes living worthwhile; the idea that you only have one chance to do it right. Follow your heart, wherever it may lead, wherever you may go, know that it will always take you where you need to be. Even if you feel lost know that it’d be easier to live life if you knew how it would end, but that’s what makes it interesting.
So listen to the songs that make your heart break and dance to the ones that make your toes tingle with excitement. Savor a sweet treat or a good meal with friends and family. Be thankful for everything because no one else has what you have. You’ve been given the gift of a life anyone would be lucky to live. So don’t get bogged down by the stresses of everyday life, they were meant to throw you off. As they say, sailing wouldn’t be fun if the water were entirely smooth. Life is an adventure, so throw on your big girl pants and live your life your way and don’t apologize for that.
Thứ Tư, 1 tháng 1, 2014
love is such a scary thing
Photo via: Bohemian Blau
Have you ever been scared of being with someone who is truly in love with you? That person you have known all your life and you just know he would never hurt you or break up with you?
Well, I'm scared.
Scared of my feelings for him. Are they even real? Scared of our love for each other. I'm scared that he loves me too much and I can't love him back. But he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him. Deep down in my heart I know that I can't love him the way he loves me, and that someday I will hurt him. Once I admit it there is no going back. And we will never be the same again.
At one point don't we all want that perfect guy, that perfect love. But in reality we are scared of that, because we've been broken for too many times. Love is such a scary thing.
Well, I'm scared.
Scared of my feelings for him. Are they even real? Scared of our love for each other. I'm scared that he loves me too much and I can't love him back. But he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him. Deep down in my heart I know that I can't love him the way he loves me, and that someday I will hurt him. Once I admit it there is no going back. And we will never be the same again.
At one point don't we all want that perfect guy, that perfect love. But in reality we are scared of that, because we've been broken for too many times. Love is such a scary thing.
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