Photo via: We Heart It
Thứ Năm, 27 tháng 2, 2014
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 2, 2014
i need to walk out
Photo via: Sandra Beijer
I never thought that I’d get to know you. I remember the first time when we met, I was walking past the restaurant and our eyes met. You stared at me, so hard and long that it gave me the creeps, I wasn’t attracted to you yet at the point. It was at the company’s dinner and dance that you caught me in your net. You looked stunningly good in your suit. That cleanly shaved stubble, well waxed hair and those gorgeous blue eyes. When you stared at me again this time, it took my breath away...
Despite that encounter, I never thought I’d hang out with you or even get to know you in the slightest. But we still shared the longing glances and awkward smile. During my last day working in the HQ, I popped by the restaurant you worked in. That night sparked the start of something so wonderful… You took my hand, bought me drinks and we talked at the bar for what seems like hours. And before I left, you asked for my number. With that, we talked almost every other day, and I remember what you always told me, the times we spend talking seem so fleeting; there were always countless things for us to talk about.
It all happened so fast, I don’t even know what came first, or what followed, or how one thing lead to another- but before I knew it, we went from hanging out once a week, to twice a week and we would talk to each other every day. It was then I heard you were actually in a relationship with one of the bosses. I was suspicious, but I didn’t ponder too much on it because I didn’t know where it came from- and to be honest I kind of liked you and didn’t want us to end.
Then the day came when you told me that indeed what I heard was true… I’m shocked and everything seemed so messed up. What’s with the time we spent, and the undeniable great chemistry we shared that you told me you felt as well? Was that entirely unreal?
I pulled away to save myself from the heartache and you came to my new work place and we talked in your car. You told me you tried not to text me, but your mind just drifted to me when you were free. You really wished things could work out between us, but you do not want to lose everything you have worked for in SG. That look of agony on your face made me realise I really wanted you in my life because I thought I found somebody that really loved me. Many times we broke up, but always got back after and every single time it just made me feel that you really loved me and found it so hard to leave me. (Oh so silly).
Then we hooked up. I thought that would be the turning point, where we’d cross the line and go forth down that path, and everything would be perfect and fine. Because why wouldn’t it be? I loved everything about you, you loved everything about me, and what did we have to lose?
I soon learned that apparently wasn’t our life plan. I fought so hard for you. In my mind I knew you were it; the one I was supposed to experience everything with for the first time. You knew how to make me smile, and how to pick me up at the end of the day when I couldn’t do it myself. You’re someone I wanted to strive for, something I wanted to earn for myself. I wanted to earn your love. But she was in the way. The way that she glared at me made my stomach uneasy.
The turning point was when she broke your heart and left you for another guy. I thought things would have worked for us now, but you instead shrugged it off. I think you didn’t know what to think or what to do. You told me you just wanted to be alone to figure out things in your life, how you made a big mess and ruined her and me. You said you do not have the capacity for anything now. I believed you at that point, telling myself I need to give you time and I knew you would come around. But things kept getting worse, you stopped caring and stopped talking to me.
I couldn’t bear it any more and popped by your place last night. We cuddled and I thought things should be fine now, but you told me you still do not have the capacity for anybody. You’re still in love with her. You feel you’re at a age of settling down and wanted a family. You tried dating other people your age (We have age difference of 10 years), but you can’t put yourself in there anymore. I don’t know why it hurt me so bad… But I was here all along! Why wasn’t I given a chance to be in your life? Don’t I deserve a chance than those new girls you’re seeing? You said I am young and should be enjoying my life instead of being burdened down with an old man. But have you asked me what I want?
But it was this that made me realise that I need to walk out. It hurts real bad… but what hurts more is to think that maybe you are not that into me like I thought. I probably would have been deceiving myself thinking that you really loved me for the past years. I can’t stick around thinking things would work out because you never wanted something for us. It is hopeless to be here alone trying to make things work...
I wish I could be the one you wanted. The girl that could made a difference in your life. There are so many times when I dreamt of us walking down the aisle. And I still remember the conversation we had on how our kids would look like; brown hair, your blue eyes and my sweet personality.
I left last night heartbroken. I kissed you for the last time and I said I love you for the first and last time, but you didn’t say it back. You saw me walk out but you never come after me. I wish you would have run after me and made me stay like you used to.
Here I’m laying on my bed now, thinking of all those wonderful memories we had, thinking maybe what I felt from you wasn’t true...
I don’t know how long it will take to feel alright again… but I know I will… eventually. I wish that one day I can be moved by love again. And to fall into the arms of a man who doesn’t look at me for the things I don’t have, but cherishes all the things that I do have. He will look at all of my flaws and mend the damages you done. At the end of the day he will kiss me on the forehead and hold me close and call me his. Most importantly... I want a man who knows how to love me wholeheartedly and wants to work hand-in-hand with me for our future.
S.S.
Despite that encounter, I never thought I’d hang out with you or even get to know you in the slightest. But we still shared the longing glances and awkward smile. During my last day working in the HQ, I popped by the restaurant you worked in. That night sparked the start of something so wonderful… You took my hand, bought me drinks and we talked at the bar for what seems like hours. And before I left, you asked for my number. With that, we talked almost every other day, and I remember what you always told me, the times we spend talking seem so fleeting; there were always countless things for us to talk about.
It all happened so fast, I don’t even know what came first, or what followed, or how one thing lead to another- but before I knew it, we went from hanging out once a week, to twice a week and we would talk to each other every day. It was then I heard you were actually in a relationship with one of the bosses. I was suspicious, but I didn’t ponder too much on it because I didn’t know where it came from- and to be honest I kind of liked you and didn’t want us to end.
Then the day came when you told me that indeed what I heard was true… I’m shocked and everything seemed so messed up. What’s with the time we spent, and the undeniable great chemistry we shared that you told me you felt as well? Was that entirely unreal?
I pulled away to save myself from the heartache and you came to my new work place and we talked in your car. You told me you tried not to text me, but your mind just drifted to me when you were free. You really wished things could work out between us, but you do not want to lose everything you have worked for in SG. That look of agony on your face made me realise I really wanted you in my life because I thought I found somebody that really loved me. Many times we broke up, but always got back after and every single time it just made me feel that you really loved me and found it so hard to leave me. (Oh so silly).
Then we hooked up. I thought that would be the turning point, where we’d cross the line and go forth down that path, and everything would be perfect and fine. Because why wouldn’t it be? I loved everything about you, you loved everything about me, and what did we have to lose?
I soon learned that apparently wasn’t our life plan. I fought so hard for you. In my mind I knew you were it; the one I was supposed to experience everything with for the first time. You knew how to make me smile, and how to pick me up at the end of the day when I couldn’t do it myself. You’re someone I wanted to strive for, something I wanted to earn for myself. I wanted to earn your love. But she was in the way. The way that she glared at me made my stomach uneasy.
The turning point was when she broke your heart and left you for another guy. I thought things would have worked for us now, but you instead shrugged it off. I think you didn’t know what to think or what to do. You told me you just wanted to be alone to figure out things in your life, how you made a big mess and ruined her and me. You said you do not have the capacity for anything now. I believed you at that point, telling myself I need to give you time and I knew you would come around. But things kept getting worse, you stopped caring and stopped talking to me.
I couldn’t bear it any more and popped by your place last night. We cuddled and I thought things should be fine now, but you told me you still do not have the capacity for anybody. You’re still in love with her. You feel you’re at a age of settling down and wanted a family. You tried dating other people your age (We have age difference of 10 years), but you can’t put yourself in there anymore. I don’t know why it hurt me so bad… But I was here all along! Why wasn’t I given a chance to be in your life? Don’t I deserve a chance than those new girls you’re seeing? You said I am young and should be enjoying my life instead of being burdened down with an old man. But have you asked me what I want?
But it was this that made me realise that I need to walk out. It hurts real bad… but what hurts more is to think that maybe you are not that into me like I thought. I probably would have been deceiving myself thinking that you really loved me for the past years. I can’t stick around thinking things would work out because you never wanted something for us. It is hopeless to be here alone trying to make things work...
I wish I could be the one you wanted. The girl that could made a difference in your life. There are so many times when I dreamt of us walking down the aisle. And I still remember the conversation we had on how our kids would look like; brown hair, your blue eyes and my sweet personality.
I left last night heartbroken. I kissed you for the last time and I said I love you for the first and last time, but you didn’t say it back. You saw me walk out but you never come after me. I wish you would have run after me and made me stay like you used to.
Here I’m laying on my bed now, thinking of all those wonderful memories we had, thinking maybe what I felt from you wasn’t true...
I don’t know how long it will take to feel alright again… but I know I will… eventually. I wish that one day I can be moved by love again. And to fall into the arms of a man who doesn’t look at me for the things I don’t have, but cherishes all the things that I do have. He will look at all of my flaws and mend the damages you done. At the end of the day he will kiss me on the forehead and hold me close and call me his. Most importantly... I want a man who knows how to love me wholeheartedly and wants to work hand-in-hand with me for our future.
S.S.
Thứ Ba, 25 tháng 2, 2014
i fell hard for my best friend
Photo via: zweifelsohne wankelmütig
It was a small local club and
The night was peaking.
The bass was pounding.
My mind was racing.
and for a few moments time would stop.
I've loved him for a long time, and loved him much more then I would probably like to admit. It was he who noticed my favorite t-shirt in high school. Fast forward 8 years: We are best friends and there isn't a thing I wouldn't tell him. We are both seeing other people and we live hours apart but tonight he is in town and we are going out with friends. The concert was over and everyone had congregated at this local club. Our friends thin out quickly until its just us dancing on the edge of a pack of strangers. He spins me around and half smiles- this is about where time stops. I lock eyes with him, and there I see it but just a flicker- fear, fear that is quickly replaced with determination. I was like in a movie, he spun me around once more but this time with a gentle push, pinning my right hand above my head on to the wall. Simultaneously he slides his right hand behind my neck and brings his face to mine...I can feel his eyelashes on my cheek. For this brief moment time stops, colors blur, and we are the only people who exist. With the sweet smack of our lips departure he pulled back to face me and whispers "wow...wow". Blue eyes bright with what might have been pride, it doesn't matter- I am lost in them. I exhale, because apparently I haven't been breathing and smile and say "Really?". He pulls me close this time and kisses me for real and utters "Really" between my teeth.
This is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I relive it in my mind all the time. I fell hard for my best friend in that moment, so hard it broke my heart. No one tells you how much it hurts in a situation like this. Everyone says "you can't have your cake and eat it too." I never understood this until after our kiss. What am I supposed to do- what are we supposed to do now? How am I supposed to choose between this guy I have been dating for 2 years and love and my best friend? What about him? What would he do? How do I act around him? Absolutely nothing felt even kind of wrong or out of place when I was in his arms and I cant stop thinking about his lips. You know, suddenly forever with him doesn't sound so bad.
So we decide to do nothing and nothing lasted for 3 months before I spill my heart out onto a 6 page hand made comic professing my love and asking for his guidance with my feelings.
He said he felt the same and I cried.
I cried knowing someones heart would be broken... I never considered it would be mine. He might have felt the same, but wasn't ready for the same thing I was I suppose...
He came over and stayed once since then and over a bottle of tequila we talked about everything. It was nice and normal found us again. Without words being said I figured it out that night.
He loves me and that's enough.
The night was peaking.
The bass was pounding.
My mind was racing.
and for a few moments time would stop.
I've loved him for a long time, and loved him much more then I would probably like to admit. It was he who noticed my favorite t-shirt in high school. Fast forward 8 years: We are best friends and there isn't a thing I wouldn't tell him. We are both seeing other people and we live hours apart but tonight he is in town and we are going out with friends. The concert was over and everyone had congregated at this local club. Our friends thin out quickly until its just us dancing on the edge of a pack of strangers. He spins me around and half smiles- this is about where time stops. I lock eyes with him, and there I see it but just a flicker- fear, fear that is quickly replaced with determination. I was like in a movie, he spun me around once more but this time with a gentle push, pinning my right hand above my head on to the wall. Simultaneously he slides his right hand behind my neck and brings his face to mine...I can feel his eyelashes on my cheek. For this brief moment time stops, colors blur, and we are the only people who exist. With the sweet smack of our lips departure he pulled back to face me and whispers "wow...wow". Blue eyes bright with what might have been pride, it doesn't matter- I am lost in them. I exhale, because apparently I haven't been breathing and smile and say "Really?". He pulls me close this time and kisses me for real and utters "Really" between my teeth.
This is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I relive it in my mind all the time. I fell hard for my best friend in that moment, so hard it broke my heart. No one tells you how much it hurts in a situation like this. Everyone says "you can't have your cake and eat it too." I never understood this until after our kiss. What am I supposed to do- what are we supposed to do now? How am I supposed to choose between this guy I have been dating for 2 years and love and my best friend? What about him? What would he do? How do I act around him? Absolutely nothing felt even kind of wrong or out of place when I was in his arms and I cant stop thinking about his lips. You know, suddenly forever with him doesn't sound so bad.
So we decide to do nothing and nothing lasted for 3 months before I spill my heart out onto a 6 page hand made comic professing my love and asking for his guidance with my feelings.
He said he felt the same and I cried.
I cried knowing someones heart would be broken... I never considered it would be mine. He might have felt the same, but wasn't ready for the same thing I was I suppose...
He came over and stayed once since then and over a bottle of tequila we talked about everything. It was nice and normal found us again. Without words being said I figured it out that night.
He loves me and that's enough.
Thứ Hai, 24 tháng 2, 2014
good enough
Photo via: ephebic bears
How are you supposed to cope when the one person you needed abandons you? You create worth by choosing people who do need you. Filling that void for someone else. An un-loveable. Someone with mental illness, OCD or addiction. You fill their needs to cover up the emptiness still left. Years go by and you believe you've moved on, that this time it's the real deal. But really it's just another broken man you've committed to taking care of because no one will take care of you. And the one person that one time who did. Well he really has moved on. To someone not so needy. Someone easier, skinnier, less work and more worth love. So you keep going, day after day, barely holding your life together, taking care of another man who you don't need or want but at least he needs you and isn't going to leave. Because if you venture outside of this fucked up codependent relationship back to something real. Well if you ever found another guy to actually fulfill your heart he would eventually see the real you and leave too. And we can't have that again can we?
P. S. I still love you. Even though you're long gone and married to the girl that came after me. The one who was good enough. I promise I still love you more than she ever will.
P. S. I still love you. Even though you're long gone and married to the girl that came after me. The one who was good enough. I promise I still love you more than she ever will.
Chủ Nhật, 23 tháng 2, 2014
your barrier
Photo via: Emmanuel Rosario
D,
Why can't you see we are meant to be? It kills me that we speak every day, we are both known to each other yet you treat me like I am just this time filler, someone to make you feel wanted. We met one drunken night and happened to click and as we were leaving I stupidly gave you my number- the beginning of the end. You messaged me the following day and our conversations have been endless. Our thoughts, opinions, beliefs all matching so why cant you see we are meant to be. I’ve seen you once sober which was hard enough to organize but it was incredible, we spoke for two hours laughing, sharing stories, aspirations which were of course amazingly similar. To set the record straight I am not a needy person nor do I require attention to survive but when you know something is meant to be, it ultimately changes you making you vulnerable and anxious for his reply. We saw each other out again this weekend and inevitably ended up going home together though I was very conscious not to ‘seal the deal’ as I want it to be more than that, not just kicked to the curb, forgotten like another one-nighter. The following morning it was so natural and beautiful, flirtatious and playful that I knew it would kill me, as the moment became a memory. I know that you feel something too, I do, I guess sometimes you just know, I’m just not sure how to break down your barrier...
How do I make him realize we have something so special, so hard to find, right in front us?
Why can't you see we are meant to be? It kills me that we speak every day, we are both known to each other yet you treat me like I am just this time filler, someone to make you feel wanted. We met one drunken night and happened to click and as we were leaving I stupidly gave you my number- the beginning of the end. You messaged me the following day and our conversations have been endless. Our thoughts, opinions, beliefs all matching so why cant you see we are meant to be. I’ve seen you once sober which was hard enough to organize but it was incredible, we spoke for two hours laughing, sharing stories, aspirations which were of course amazingly similar. To set the record straight I am not a needy person nor do I require attention to survive but when you know something is meant to be, it ultimately changes you making you vulnerable and anxious for his reply. We saw each other out again this weekend and inevitably ended up going home together though I was very conscious not to ‘seal the deal’ as I want it to be more than that, not just kicked to the curb, forgotten like another one-nighter. The following morning it was so natural and beautiful, flirtatious and playful that I knew it would kill me, as the moment became a memory. I know that you feel something too, I do, I guess sometimes you just know, I’m just not sure how to break down your barrier...
How do I make him realize we have something so special, so hard to find, right in front us?
Thứ Năm, 20 tháng 2, 2014
as soon as possible
Photo via: Shopbop
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Nora Ephron
Thứ Tư, 19 tháng 2, 2014
he is dating someone else
Photo via: We Heart It
Dear lelove,
I'm writing this to you on my phone at 3 at night, hoping and wishing it will give me some comfort.
Last year I met the love of my life, he was perfect for me. We had enough in common to make it easy, but a lot of things we thought differently about, making it interesting. I could talk to him for hours. I would hold my phone line I would do now until I fell asleep while replying to his messages. I was so deeply in love with him.
We broke up 2 weeks ago after a stupid fight. He said he needed time alone and that he couldn't handle a relationship anymore. So after a year of intense loving, talking about moving in together and marriage - I was single. I lost him. We kept talking for a week or so, I kept trying to convince him to stop acting stupid and just to continue his life with me. But he didn't want to. He wanted time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He loved me and didn't want to hurt me by being with me without wanting to.
Today I found out he is dating someone else.
The thought of this sickens me to a level I can't explain. He, man I trusted on his word. The guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life was dating someone else. Two weeks. Fourteen days. How could you forget about all the things he said to me in 14 days? How could he have washed off the taste of my lips so fast? How could he washed off my scent off his pillowcases? How could he have forgotten the touch of my hand. How could he say to me that he needed time alone, that I gave him that time and pushed aside what I needed for a man that betrayed my trust and sleeps next to another women after 2 fucking weeks?
I'm broken.
I lay here in my bed with his scent on my pillowcases, the taste of his lips in my mouth, the feeling of his fingers still in my hand. I want to scream until the windows break. I want to hop into my car and drive to him and slap him. I want to hurt myself. I want to run away.
But instead I'm laying here in my bed, trying to figure out how I could ever love someone like him. Typing this in the dark on my phone that he bought for me.
I think I'll smash it after I send this to you.
I'm writing this to you on my phone at 3 at night, hoping and wishing it will give me some comfort.
Last year I met the love of my life, he was perfect for me. We had enough in common to make it easy, but a lot of things we thought differently about, making it interesting. I could talk to him for hours. I would hold my phone line I would do now until I fell asleep while replying to his messages. I was so deeply in love with him.
We broke up 2 weeks ago after a stupid fight. He said he needed time alone and that he couldn't handle a relationship anymore. So after a year of intense loving, talking about moving in together and marriage - I was single. I lost him. We kept talking for a week or so, I kept trying to convince him to stop acting stupid and just to continue his life with me. But he didn't want to. He wanted time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He loved me and didn't want to hurt me by being with me without wanting to.
Today I found out he is dating someone else.
The thought of this sickens me to a level I can't explain. He, man I trusted on his word. The guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life was dating someone else. Two weeks. Fourteen days. How could you forget about all the things he said to me in 14 days? How could he have washed off the taste of my lips so fast? How could he washed off my scent off his pillowcases? How could he have forgotten the touch of my hand. How could he say to me that he needed time alone, that I gave him that time and pushed aside what I needed for a man that betrayed my trust and sleeps next to another women after 2 fucking weeks?
I'm broken.
I lay here in my bed with his scent on my pillowcases, the taste of his lips in my mouth, the feeling of his fingers still in my hand. I want to scream until the windows break. I want to hop into my car and drive to him and slap him. I want to hurt myself. I want to run away.
But instead I'm laying here in my bed, trying to figure out how I could ever love someone like him. Typing this in the dark on my phone that he bought for me.
I think I'll smash it after I send this to you.
Thứ Ba, 18 tháng 2, 2014
i will be here waiting
Photo via: Margaret Durow
Love. What does that mean? Why do people make a big deal out of it? Why does it hurt so much, but at the same time can be the best thing that's ever happened? I am inexperienced and don't know anything about love. I base this thing called "love" on movies, friends and family.
I've seen heartbreaks and smiles travel through their lives. While I sit here; watching over them and taking in all their stories, complaints and personal experiences. I'm getting used to it. It's ok, I might be bitter but no one has the right to judge me.
I have someone I like. I don't want to make a big deal out of it. He doesn't like me back, if he did I think we would be closer than we are right now. We talk every now and then so I guess we're just friends.
He's not someone my friends would want me to be with. I'm attracted to him, though I ignore it. I deny it and throw away my feelings but they keep coming back. So what is it? What is it that I about the guy that I like so much? Or why do I like him?
Is this normal? It seems like it. My feelings come back every time I'm not busy. He pops up in my mind out of the blue. Recently it's been happening more often, it only goes away when I'm busy.
I see the good in him and I want to be there for him. I want to be the one to make him smile. What does this all mean though?
It doesn't hurt. It makes me feel sad every time he's near but we're just friends. I'm ok with it. I'm used to it. Its hard every time he approaches me or even makes simple gestures like putting his hand on my shoulder.
Even though people are irritated by him or dislike him I still see the good in him. Its so powerful it attracts me more to him. My feelings went away but they came back like a, what Miley Cyrus would say, "wrecking ball."
I will be here waiting for that special moment when he sees me as more than just a friend.
I've seen heartbreaks and smiles travel through their lives. While I sit here; watching over them and taking in all their stories, complaints and personal experiences. I'm getting used to it. It's ok, I might be bitter but no one has the right to judge me.
I have someone I like. I don't want to make a big deal out of it. He doesn't like me back, if he did I think we would be closer than we are right now. We talk every now and then so I guess we're just friends.
He's not someone my friends would want me to be with. I'm attracted to him, though I ignore it. I deny it and throw away my feelings but they keep coming back. So what is it? What is it that I about the guy that I like so much? Or why do I like him?
Is this normal? It seems like it. My feelings come back every time I'm not busy. He pops up in my mind out of the blue. Recently it's been happening more often, it only goes away when I'm busy.
I see the good in him and I want to be there for him. I want to be the one to make him smile. What does this all mean though?
It doesn't hurt. It makes me feel sad every time he's near but we're just friends. I'm ok with it. I'm used to it. Its hard every time he approaches me or even makes simple gestures like putting his hand on my shoulder.
Even though people are irritated by him or dislike him I still see the good in him. Its so powerful it attracts me more to him. My feelings went away but they came back like a, what Miley Cyrus would say, "wrecking ball."
I will be here waiting for that special moment when he sees me as more than just a friend.
Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 2, 2014
Chủ Nhật, 16 tháng 2, 2014
in the quiet moments
Photo via: Emmanuel Rosario
Because in the quiet moments,
when I’m not trying to figure it all out,
my heart still whispers his name.
and I feel those butterflies, that I've been trying so desperately
to chase away, appear once again.
He keeps finding his way back in to my heart.
I’ve let him get under my skin,
He knows my most secret thoughts –
the intimate workings of my mind.
Just when I was starting to accept that which we are not,
those words slipped out: -
Once upon a time,
He was in love with me.
Oh fate, thou art a cruel, heartless bitch sometimes…
All those sleepless nights, he was right there
A short walk down the road.
Trapped within his own confines.
Me, too blind to see him as he stood right before me
All guards up. Too afraid. Too vulnerable.
His heart never giving mine a chance to realise that it might love him too.
Instead, he kept his love a secret.
Hidden from me.
Running circles around one another,
Fooling ourselves
Fooling each other.
Thứ Bảy, 15 tháng 2, 2014
my person. my best friend. my love.
Photo via: Esben Bøg Jensen
My dear G,
It is not a little thing, for centuries we have been talking about it. Or tried, at least. It is the favorite theme in poetry. No one gets tired of it. Love, as it is, always love.
It's strong. More than just “strong”. Love is indestructible. When it's real, it is indestructible. Love makes us suffer. Nothing in the world brings so much pain as love. It can be tough, cruel. It can tear us apart. It can be the biggest villain of a story. It can be the purest and the hardest pain ever.
But still, it’s love. And endless or not, it's the most unbelievable thing in human existence.
I have tried so many times to explain how much I love you. I always end up crying. Perhaps it is because what I feel for you is too big, even for me, to understand. There is no simple or easy way. But loving you has always been natural. Since I met you, I believe that everyone possesses a love that rests within them. A love that sleeps quietly during our childhood years, in anticipation to bloom for that one person. I never realized that I had begun to love you. I realized that I always had.
You have not just showed me how to love, but also what it means to be loved. You have taught me how to be your other half and still be my own whole. And still, it is impossible for me to explain something as complex as my love for you. Words, are simply not enough.
This summer it will be four years since our paths brought us together. The time has passed so fast. We often laugh about the fact that we practically grew up together. From one to another (do you remember that?). It is true, though. We did grow up together. And I feel that, somewhere on the road, we grew into each other. Today, I can't tell where your body starts or where mine ends.
My person. My best friend. My love. Look at me. I have fallen like a complete fool for you. The passion is not gone. It's only softer and calmer now. It has gone into our blood and become a part of who we are. And hey, don't bother worrying about the future. You'll do just fine. I got your back.
With all the love I possess.
- B
It is not a little thing, for centuries we have been talking about it. Or tried, at least. It is the favorite theme in poetry. No one gets tired of it. Love, as it is, always love.
It's strong. More than just “strong”. Love is indestructible. When it's real, it is indestructible. Love makes us suffer. Nothing in the world brings so much pain as love. It can be tough, cruel. It can tear us apart. It can be the biggest villain of a story. It can be the purest and the hardest pain ever.
But still, it’s love. And endless or not, it's the most unbelievable thing in human existence.
I have tried so many times to explain how much I love you. I always end up crying. Perhaps it is because what I feel for you is too big, even for me, to understand. There is no simple or easy way. But loving you has always been natural. Since I met you, I believe that everyone possesses a love that rests within them. A love that sleeps quietly during our childhood years, in anticipation to bloom for that one person. I never realized that I had begun to love you. I realized that I always had.
You have not just showed me how to love, but also what it means to be loved. You have taught me how to be your other half and still be my own whole. And still, it is impossible for me to explain something as complex as my love for you. Words, are simply not enough.
This summer it will be four years since our paths brought us together. The time has passed so fast. We often laugh about the fact that we practically grew up together. From one to another (do you remember that?). It is true, though. We did grow up together. And I feel that, somewhere on the road, we grew into each other. Today, I can't tell where your body starts or where mine ends.
My person. My best friend. My love. Look at me. I have fallen like a complete fool for you. The passion is not gone. It's only softer and calmer now. It has gone into our blood and become a part of who we are. And hey, don't bother worrying about the future. You'll do just fine. I got your back.
With all the love I possess.
- B
Thứ Năm, 13 tháng 2, 2014
what is done in love
Photo via: The First Snow
"What is done in love is done well." - You can find this print here.
Happy Valentine's Day!
x
a night i will never forget
Photo via: Reader Submission
The rain gently falling through an open window, in which our heads hung out. Bare skin molding together to form a connection. A guitar, a joint, and a night I will never forget. His bed where our faces lay had a window to where the faint rainfall kissed us. This was an ongoing fling we had, occasional nights in which we’d call each other and spend the night together. It was something about this one night in particular, was it the white occasional, was it the open window with the starry sky staring back at me, or was it the way he sang “Skinny Love” to me while I just soaked it all in. It honestly felt like I was in an indie film scene, as lame as that sounds. It was so delicate, everything about it. I still remember the way my smile was plastered on my face, I was so god damn happy. It was so perfect in that moment, I hope it was as special for him as it was for me. I know it was just another one of those nights we had, but it was special, it really was. I live miles and miles away from him, and life keeps moving, but I'm so happy I had this night with him.
xx, time to move on.
xx, time to move on.
Thứ Ba, 11 tháng 2, 2014
you will soon be a distant memory
Photo via: Zweifellos mondbetont
Hello,
I've been trying to find the words all week for my letter to a boy who sort-of cracked my heart. I read your blog always and the words there have often given me comfort and hope. I'd like to share my story with you....
----
Hi,
It’s been a week now. This time last week I was curled up and crying because you had called me 4 hours ago or so to check up on me. Check and see how I was doing after the chat we had.
When you called me in the morning and said could you come over to have a chat I breathed in sharp and deep, I don’t think you noticed, because I knew then. The talk I knew would happen one day was coming.
And it’s so stupid that I’ve been feeling so sad, because we knew we weren’t going to be together. We discussed it remember? We had that kind-of fight at that stupid Christmas party which I wish I’d never invited you to because it changed things and broke the thing that was going on between us. It raised all sorts of dark thoughts in my mind that I’d put into a box since the last boy that hurt me left. But then we saw each other for 4 days straight before I left for the airport, it’s almost like we knew that once I came back it would be different.
I hate that I miss you. I hate that things happen and I want to tell you. I hate that you cried because I was so sure I was going to hate you once we’d had that chat but then I realised that I can’t and I won’t hate you. I wanted to reach out and take away your pain but I was so hurt by it all.
There are stupid little things that remind me of you, like when I was sorting out food to be delivered from Asda and your juice, that one with the kiwi, was there saved onto my favourites. I miss having to wash so many towels. I miss waking up to find my sheets in a tangle. I can’t even bring myself to watch Déjà vu, that stupid movie I begged for us to watch and you refused.
Why her? Of all the girls. I don’t even know if you fixed things with her by cutting ties with me. I meant it though when I said I hope you are happy and that you fix it. Even though it killed me when I saw her 3 days ago.
I hate that she knew who I was when I was walking around in the gym without a clue, not knowing that she knew me. I want to ask you how much you told her about me? Did you tell her about the depression as a way of making our friendship an essential? I really hope you didn’t tell her but I can’t help but think you did. You lied about talking to her so what difference would another lie make?
Do you think about me? Or am I just another girl to you? I wanted to ask you last week what I even meant to you but I’d already cried so I didn’t want to lose more dignity.
I’m so angry I let you in last Friday night and let you kiss me, and kissed you back. Especially when I found out that she dumped you hours earlier. I felt like such a back up plan when I found out. And I’m so sick of being the option.
I deserve someone who gives a shit.
So now what? Well I guess now I pick myself up and take the pieces of my heart that you chipped away, you didn’t break it; just cracked it. I’ll take those pieces and carefully put them back into place.
I wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to send you these words; I hope I do.
So now the hard part; good-bye. Even though I miss you still. But you will soon be a distant memory. I wish you all the best in the world, I truly do. I hope that you will find a woman who can give you all that I could not, and equally I hope I will find the man who makes me shine with the happiness I deserve. Someone to fill in the gaps you could not and someone to soothe my weary heart.
Bisous,
A x
I've been trying to find the words all week for my letter to a boy who sort-of cracked my heart. I read your blog always and the words there have often given me comfort and hope. I'd like to share my story with you....
----
Hi,
It’s been a week now. This time last week I was curled up and crying because you had called me 4 hours ago or so to check up on me. Check and see how I was doing after the chat we had.
When you called me in the morning and said could you come over to have a chat I breathed in sharp and deep, I don’t think you noticed, because I knew then. The talk I knew would happen one day was coming.
And it’s so stupid that I’ve been feeling so sad, because we knew we weren’t going to be together. We discussed it remember? We had that kind-of fight at that stupid Christmas party which I wish I’d never invited you to because it changed things and broke the thing that was going on between us. It raised all sorts of dark thoughts in my mind that I’d put into a box since the last boy that hurt me left. But then we saw each other for 4 days straight before I left for the airport, it’s almost like we knew that once I came back it would be different.
I hate that I miss you. I hate that things happen and I want to tell you. I hate that you cried because I was so sure I was going to hate you once we’d had that chat but then I realised that I can’t and I won’t hate you. I wanted to reach out and take away your pain but I was so hurt by it all.
There are stupid little things that remind me of you, like when I was sorting out food to be delivered from Asda and your juice, that one with the kiwi, was there saved onto my favourites. I miss having to wash so many towels. I miss waking up to find my sheets in a tangle. I can’t even bring myself to watch Déjà vu, that stupid movie I begged for us to watch and you refused.
Why her? Of all the girls. I don’t even know if you fixed things with her by cutting ties with me. I meant it though when I said I hope you are happy and that you fix it. Even though it killed me when I saw her 3 days ago.
I hate that she knew who I was when I was walking around in the gym without a clue, not knowing that she knew me. I want to ask you how much you told her about me? Did you tell her about the depression as a way of making our friendship an essential? I really hope you didn’t tell her but I can’t help but think you did. You lied about talking to her so what difference would another lie make?
Do you think about me? Or am I just another girl to you? I wanted to ask you last week what I even meant to you but I’d already cried so I didn’t want to lose more dignity.
I’m so angry I let you in last Friday night and let you kiss me, and kissed you back. Especially when I found out that she dumped you hours earlier. I felt like such a back up plan when I found out. And I’m so sick of being the option.
I deserve someone who gives a shit.
So now what? Well I guess now I pick myself up and take the pieces of my heart that you chipped away, you didn’t break it; just cracked it. I’ll take those pieces and carefully put them back into place.
I wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to send you these words; I hope I do.
So now the hard part; good-bye. Even though I miss you still. But you will soon be a distant memory. I wish you all the best in the world, I truly do. I hope that you will find a woman who can give you all that I could not, and equally I hope I will find the man who makes me shine with the happiness I deserve. Someone to fill in the gaps you could not and someone to soothe my weary heart.
Bisous,
A x
Thứ Hai, 10 tháng 2, 2014
Thứ Sáu, 7 tháng 2, 2014
what every pusher wants a lover to know
Photo via: Esben Bøg
What every pusher wants a lover to know.
Just because I push you away:
It doesn't mean I don't like you anymore, It means I'm afraid if how much I already love you.
It's not because I want us to separate, But because I crave to touch you again.
It doesn't mean for you to push back, It means I want you to pull me closer.
It doesn't mean I'm strong enough without you, It means I'm weak when I'm with you.
It doesn't mean I'm shutting you out It means I'm close to inviting you in...
In to where it hurts. That small but sensitive heart-shaped place between now and forever. It is a vacant place where few have entered and all have failed. So I push you away, not because I don't want your love, but because I'm afraid that your love is the kind that hurts. Be stubborn, be persistent, and keep pulling me in. Prove to me your weapons are none and forgive my unbelief. Above all else, continue to love me every time I push you away.
Just because I push you away:
It doesn't mean I don't like you anymore, It means I'm afraid if how much I already love you.
It's not because I want us to separate, But because I crave to touch you again.
It doesn't mean for you to push back, It means I want you to pull me closer.
It doesn't mean I'm strong enough without you, It means I'm weak when I'm with you.
It doesn't mean I'm shutting you out It means I'm close to inviting you in...
In to where it hurts. That small but sensitive heart-shaped place between now and forever. It is a vacant place where few have entered and all have failed. So I push you away, not because I don't want your love, but because I'm afraid that your love is the kind that hurts. Be stubborn, be persistent, and keep pulling me in. Prove to me your weapons are none and forgive my unbelief. Above all else, continue to love me every time I push you away.
Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 2, 2014
afraid to move
Photo via: Nevena Popovic
Dear Le Love,
This is a letter I wrote to my true love, who left me.
It's been two weeks and my wound's still fresh, it still feels like I have a gaping hole in my chest - and everyday you keep salting this open wound. I still think about you everyday, every minute, every second and the scary thing is, I actually believe that I will never get over your. You weren't my first love, or my longest relationship - but it was the realest thing I've ever felt. When the doctors told me I could grow old and have children my first thought was you: I could grow old with you. I could have your children. I could be your wife. But our fights seemed endless. We said all the typical things - you never listen, you lied about everything, do you even love me, maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. I just miss you so much, I miss everything. It hurts all the time, I break all the time, I want you all the time. I lost my mind. I lie in bed for hours just thinking how it would've been if he was with me on that moment. Your arms around me, your sweet ticklish kisses on my face and neck. How we laid so close to each other, legs tangled, arms around me, my head on your chest listening. I want you back. I want us back.
I'm writing you this because I can't do this anymore, I can't deal with all this on my own. I need you. I miss you everyday. I can't keep wondering anymore. It's not fair that you've moved on and I have been stuck in the same spot, afraid to move. I know I'm doing this to myself. Even though the thought of not speaking to you scares me, I have to do it for myself. I can't be your friend and act like I'm ok when I'm not just for the sake of still having you in my life. You used to tell me you would never get over me, that you could see yourself with me for a very long time. We even talked about getting married. If those feelings were strong and true then you can't just forget about me and move on. But I have to stop thinking about how it was with you because its gone, and it will never be the same. I feel like a fool for holding onto you.
Thank you for being one of the greatest things that came into my life. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I can never hate you because I know that everything you did was out of love, but I hate that it had to end - that you never listened to me, that you didn't see that you were the one thing in my life that made me happy. I hope you accomplish every goal you set for yourself, I hope you figure out everything you were unsure about, and I hope above all that you are happy. I wish I could be there to see it all happen, that I was the one that helped you. But for now this is goodbye.
This is a letter I wrote to my true love, who left me.
It's been two weeks and my wound's still fresh, it still feels like I have a gaping hole in my chest - and everyday you keep salting this open wound. I still think about you everyday, every minute, every second and the scary thing is, I actually believe that I will never get over your. You weren't my first love, or my longest relationship - but it was the realest thing I've ever felt. When the doctors told me I could grow old and have children my first thought was you: I could grow old with you. I could have your children. I could be your wife. But our fights seemed endless. We said all the typical things - you never listen, you lied about everything, do you even love me, maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. I just miss you so much, I miss everything. It hurts all the time, I break all the time, I want you all the time. I lost my mind. I lie in bed for hours just thinking how it would've been if he was with me on that moment. Your arms around me, your sweet ticklish kisses on my face and neck. How we laid so close to each other, legs tangled, arms around me, my head on your chest listening. I want you back. I want us back.
I'm writing you this because I can't do this anymore, I can't deal with all this on my own. I need you. I miss you everyday. I can't keep wondering anymore. It's not fair that you've moved on and I have been stuck in the same spot, afraid to move. I know I'm doing this to myself. Even though the thought of not speaking to you scares me, I have to do it for myself. I can't be your friend and act like I'm ok when I'm not just for the sake of still having you in my life. You used to tell me you would never get over me, that you could see yourself with me for a very long time. We even talked about getting married. If those feelings were strong and true then you can't just forget about me and move on. But I have to stop thinking about how it was with you because its gone, and it will never be the same. I feel like a fool for holding onto you.
Thank you for being one of the greatest things that came into my life. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I can never hate you because I know that everything you did was out of love, but I hate that it had to end - that you never listened to me, that you didn't see that you were the one thing in my life that made me happy. I hope you accomplish every goal you set for yourself, I hope you figure out everything you were unsure about, and I hope above all that you are happy. I wish I could be there to see it all happen, that I was the one that helped you. But for now this is goodbye.
Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 2, 2014
Thứ Hai, 3 tháng 2, 2014
if i loved you as much as you love me
Photo via: Valentina C
If I loved you as much as you love me our lives would be perfect.
We would wake up so happy and fall asleep in bliss
I would have crazy butterflies on the plane before I saw you
I would constantly be looking through our pictures with a warm feeling of blissful happiness inside me.
I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of having a future with you
Living in Barcelona with you
I would see speaking to you in the evenings as a pleasure, not as a chore.
I would enjoy kissing you
But instead I hate myself, for not loving you as much as you deserve, as much as I would like to.
I tried looking through our pictures, hoping the memories of the last two years would give me a pang, a wake up call ... I looked at so many pictures of you face, and I felt nothing, nothing at all.
I wish I missed you right now.
A life with you in Barcelona would be so safe, so fun, so amazing ... but I wouldn’t be going there for the right reasons, I’d be going there for the chance, the escape, the change, the weather, the people, the culture... I’d be going there for everything except for you.
I WISH I LOVED YOU LIKE HOW YOU LOVED ME, then life would be perfect.
We would wake up so happy and fall asleep in bliss
I would have crazy butterflies on the plane before I saw you
I would constantly be looking through our pictures with a warm feeling of blissful happiness inside me.
I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of having a future with you
Living in Barcelona with you
I would see speaking to you in the evenings as a pleasure, not as a chore.
I would enjoy kissing you
But instead I hate myself, for not loving you as much as you deserve, as much as I would like to.
I tried looking through our pictures, hoping the memories of the last two years would give me a pang, a wake up call ... I looked at so many pictures of you face, and I felt nothing, nothing at all.
I wish I missed you right now.
A life with you in Barcelona would be so safe, so fun, so amazing ... but I wouldn’t be going there for the right reasons, I’d be going there for the chance, the escape, the change, the weather, the people, the culture... I’d be going there for everything except for you.
I WISH I LOVED YOU LIKE HOW YOU LOVED ME, then life would be perfect.
Chủ Nhật, 2 tháng 2, 2014
why does he love me?
Photo via: cassoday harder
I’m so frustrated with where we’re at. He loves me, or so he says. Last night, before hanging up he said, “I’m saying it because I mean it: I love you.”
Is it bad that I want to know why? Why does he love me? We haven’t even been together in person. And while I know that isn’t everything, I want to know what he sees. Maybe I’m just pretty and decently funny. And I can understand that, until he tells me he wants to marry me. Why would he want to marry me? What could he possibly see in me that would make him think he wants to spend his life with me? Maybe I just don’t see it in myself.
As soon as we get back into everything, I get back to missing him. Every minute of every hour of every day. I hate missing him. I know I don’t act dependent, but I hate even slightly feeling so. I’m independent. I’m busy. I’m focused. Not a love-sick lonely girl longing to hear his voice. That can’t be me.
And then he calls, or maybe I do. And I’m giddy when I hear his voice and when I make him laugh, which I usually do. He makes jokes and I try not to over-laugh because I don’t want to seem too giggly. But his voice makes me feel like I’m safe and, better yet, happy. He says I’m beautiful a time or two, and I always melt because he always says it like it’s factual and obvious. I don’t want to hang up. I just want to be in the same place at the same time, and if that time could be right this second, that would be magical. Because he’s all I want.
And then he tells me he loves me. And I say it back. And we hang up.
I’m frustrated and confused and happy and I can’t stop smiling; it’s involuntary. I wish I could control it, or even understand it. But I can’t and I don’t. All I know is that I heard his voice for thirty seconds today, and that wasn’t enough. In those thirty seconds he told me he loved me twice and I haven’t stopped missing him since.
Is it bad that I want to know why? Why does he love me? We haven’t even been together in person. And while I know that isn’t everything, I want to know what he sees. Maybe I’m just pretty and decently funny. And I can understand that, until he tells me he wants to marry me. Why would he want to marry me? What could he possibly see in me that would make him think he wants to spend his life with me? Maybe I just don’t see it in myself.
As soon as we get back into everything, I get back to missing him. Every minute of every hour of every day. I hate missing him. I know I don’t act dependent, but I hate even slightly feeling so. I’m independent. I’m busy. I’m focused. Not a love-sick lonely girl longing to hear his voice. That can’t be me.
And then he calls, or maybe I do. And I’m giddy when I hear his voice and when I make him laugh, which I usually do. He makes jokes and I try not to over-laugh because I don’t want to seem too giggly. But his voice makes me feel like I’m safe and, better yet, happy. He says I’m beautiful a time or two, and I always melt because he always says it like it’s factual and obvious. I don’t want to hang up. I just want to be in the same place at the same time, and if that time could be right this second, that would be magical. Because he’s all I want.
And then he tells me he loves me. And I say it back. And we hang up.
I’m frustrated and confused and happy and I can’t stop smiling; it’s involuntary. I wish I could control it, or even understand it. But I can’t and I don’t. All I know is that I heard his voice for thirty seconds today, and that wasn’t enough. In those thirty seconds he told me he loved me twice and I haven’t stopped missing him since.
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)